now that Chase's birth is almost here, many of my thoughts are consumed with his birth. thoughts of holding my precious little son in my arms (whether he is born still or alive). seeing his perfect little body and frail little frame, being able to snuggle close, whisper into his ears about how much is family loves him, and how much more his Heavenly Father does. Sharing these moments with those closest to me, my hubby and other family members. being able, for the second time, to experience the joy of birth, the miracle of new life.
there is uncertainty in how much time we will have with Chase, which can make it hard...the uncertainty, the unknown. but what IS known is where my little one is going when he leaves us and where he will be awaiting for us when we return to him.
making preparations for that special day has been hard. thinking through hard choices, things i never imagined i would be doing for my own child. but one of the most difficult preparations has been a lack there of - not making the necessary preparations here at the house. carson and i spend hours in his 'playroom' which would have been chase's new nursery. there are times when the pain runs deep thinking of what might have been. it is in those times that i am reminded that the Lord is preparing chase a room in His house. a room beyond comparison to anything i could provide or dream of here. A room where my baby chase will be well cared for, loved, provided for beyond the means that i, as his earthly mother could do. He will lay his head down to rest at night with only glorious, sinless, joyful thoughts of his Lord and Savior. He will be whole again, free from sin, free from the tangles and snares of this world. he will be given so much more than i could offer him. And that brings me joy, MUCH JOY! the pain still runs deep and time waiting is still hard, but there is hope and that makes all the difference!
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