cup cakes

We made cup cakes the other day and Carson got to ice one all by himself. He ended up eating more icing than what actually ended up on the finished product.







The beautiful finished product!!

Fall Fun!

We went to Butler's Orchard today to pick some pumpkins and enjoy all of the fun activites they have for kiddos...see below!

We took a hayride through the woods to get to the pumpkin patch. Carson loved the bumpy ride, wavying and yelling 'goodbye' to all those left behind.

They had a HUGE slide that kids could go down on burlap sacks. Carson was a little small to go by himself, but he loved going with dada.

There was a smaller slide that Carson was able to do all by himself (we had to do this one over and over and over).

Carson loved all the animals...the sheep...

...the pigs too!

Where is Carson? There he is!!

handsome little Carson!

thankfulness

Months ago I read the book, 'From Grief to Glory' by James W. Bruce III. He quotes Benjamin Warfield on the topic of self-sacrifice. 'Self-sacrifice brought Christ into the world. And self-sacrifice will lead us, His followers, not away from, but into the midst of men. Wherever men suffer, there will we be to comfort. Wherever men strive, there will we be to help. Wherever men fail, there will we be to uplift. Self-sacrifice means not indifference to our times and our fellows, it means absorption in them. It means forgetfulness of self in others. It means not that we should live one life, but a thousand lives, binding ourselves to a thousand souls by the filaments of so loving a sympathy that their lives become ours. Only when we humbly walk this path, seeking truly in it not our own things, but those of others, we shall find the promise true, that he who loses his life shall find it. Only when, like Christ, and in loving obedience to His call and example, we take no account of ourselves, but freely give ourselves to others, we shall find, each in his measure, the saying true of himself also, 'Wherefore also God hath highly exalted him.' The path of self--sacrifice is the path to glory.'

Our lives have been surrounded by others self-sacrificing of themselves, heroically serving our family. Meals being brought to the house on a weekly basis, girls cleaning my entire house every other week, fellas doing yard work, gift baskets from singles care groups of all our favorite yummies, gift cards out to dinner, countless number of cards from friends and relatives telling us of their love and support for us, anonymous financial gifts given to us at different times, handmade gifts sent (each made with love for little chase), the countless prayers lifted up from so many (I can not count nor comprehend all those that love our boy and are praying for him on a daily basis), mrs jansen taking carson for a full day each month so that I can rest, lisa simmons taking carson each sat am for a few hours to allow me more rest, and then the angel sent from above in the form of jessica somerville, serving our family on a daily basis with carson, household items, errands, my soul, and the countless hours of those who have listened and cared for my soul throughout all this.
We have been the benefactors of these saints and their deep love for the Lord. we have fallen, been in need and have experienced the body of Christ working in amazing ways. how undeserving we truly are. it has been humbling...it has been wonderful..all of this has revealed to me more of the character of God. I have learned so much more about his loving kindness, His nearness his faithfulness. words can not express the gratitude in my heart towards all of those that have served us in some way. I can only say thank you...our family thank's God for each of you.

the new carson

someone got a haircut today. we loved the curls, but they were getting a little out of control. he really does look like a toddler now, a real big boy!

peace

the last couple of days i have experienced a peace in my heart. the temptations, struggles, battles and pain still remians, but i can say that i have experienced a peace that transcends all understanding. the Lord has been teaching me more and more each day of this trail what it means to be perfectly satisfied with His will...the will of God.

when faced with a near death experienc of his daughter, George Muller said, 'I was enabled to delight myself in the will of God; for I felt perfectly sure, that, if the Lord took this beloved daughter, it woould be best for her parents, best for herself, and more for the glory of God than if she lived. this better part i was satisfied with; and thus my heart had peace, perfect peace' (The Pleasures of God, by John Piper).

His will being manifested in my son's life and death will bring Him the most glory...knowing that I can find rest. this is the better part, the part in all of this that matters most- the glory of God! it is easy to see all that is seemingly taken away from me, all the difficulty and strife this trial has brought me. but focusing on all of that only brings sadness and anxiety. when i look harder, i see His hand in it all...i see His perfect will, i see His glory beening made known so much greater in my eyes...this brings me joy..this brings me that peace. oh, how i pray that i would continue to trust in His will, that i would hold fast to his promises for my son and for me and continue to learn what it means to be at perfect peace with His sovereign will!

hanging out

i haven't posted in a while...carson and i both got a cold this past week and we've just been taking it easy. here are some pictures of us just 'hanging out.'

Cuddle time with dada

Dada sharing his cup of tea

Can't get enough of that tea!

Carson playing with one his new favorites...dada's guitar

just hanging out

Carson giving his mama a big bear hug from behind

shoes!!!

Carson has a current obsession with shoes. he must take after his auntie kristiina!! he brings one pair after another to me with a big smile, saying, 'shhooess.' his favorites are currently a pair of rain boats that are probably a few sizes too big, making it hilarious to watch him just try to walk in them. here are a few pics of him trying on a few pairs.

the culperate has been found!!!

thank you uncle davie for my new toys...they are the bestest! you are the best uncle a boy could have. love you! and auntie alice too! lovw you!!!!

Love- Little Buddy

who did it?!?

We came home today from the Smiths to a WONDERFUL surprise. Standing in our backyard are two amazing kids toys...cube/climbing slide and climbing/slide tower. dada and mama are excited as carson is! but who did it...we don't know!!! we are on the investigation to find out who the generous, kind, amazing, wonderful, thoughtful culperate is! the rain today did not stop carson from trying them out...he couldn't get enough!!! THANK YOU mystery giver!!!!

fun in the water

We went to the Smiths last night. Carson had a great time playing with bowls, cups and buckets of water on the back porch after dinner. He spent quite some time trying to fit into one of the pitchers full of water!

comfy positions

I haven't figured out carson falls asleep in the positions that he does or how he dosen't wake up with crinkes in his neck and his feet asleep. this is by far his favorite position to sleep in...legs crossed, butt up, head planted face down and arms tucked in!

baby chase

here are some recent pics of baby chase (and mama)!

time is drawing near

now that Chase's birth is almost here, many of my thoughts are consumed with his birth. thoughts of holding my precious little son in my arms (whether he is born still or alive). seeing his perfect little body and frail little frame, being able to snuggle close, whisper into his ears about how much is family loves him, and how much more his Heavenly Father does. Sharing these moments with those closest to me, my hubby and other family members. being able, for the second time, to experience the joy of birth, the miracle of new life.

there is uncertainty in how much time we will have with Chase, which can make it hard...the uncertainty, the unknown. but what IS known is where my little one is going when he leaves us and where he will be awaiting for us when we return to him.

making preparations for that special day has been hard. thinking through hard choices, things i never imagined i would be doing for my own child. but one of the most difficult preparations has been a lack there of - not making the necessary preparations here at the house. carson and i spend hours in his 'playroom' which would have been chase's new nursery. there are times when the pain runs deep thinking of what might have been. it is in those times that i am reminded that the Lord is preparing chase a room in His house. a room beyond comparison to anything i could provide or dream of here. A room where my baby chase will be well cared for, loved, provided for beyond the means that i, as his earthly mother could do. He will lay his head down to rest at night with only glorious, sinless, joyful thoughts of his Lord and Savior. He will be whole again, free from sin, free from the tangles and snares of this world. he will be given so much more than i could offer him. And that brings me joy, MUCH JOY! the pain still runs deep and time waiting is still hard, but there is hope and that makes all the difference!

sleepy days

Carson fell asleep eating lunch the other day...it was one of the cutest sites to watch! i would like to say it was from all the fun we were having, but i think going to bed around 10pm the night before and waking up at 6am had more to do with it!!!!

Happy Birthday SImmons Kiddos!

The Big Birthday Girl Daisy!

Yesterday we attended a birthday party for Carthy and Daisy Simmons. Carson (and mama and dada) had a GREAT time playing at the park, getting lots of yummies and sugar, watching the kids play pin the tale on the donkey, water guns....




Carson playing with little Miss Riley!

playing with bubbles...

One of Carson's newest favorites is to play in the kitchen sink with water and lots of bubbles! although most everything in the kitchen gets wet, it is well worth the cleanup!

regarding the promise

As i was praying for a friend the other day, the Lord brought this quote to mind. I have been so encouraged by it since.

'When Faith is brought into action, the extent and aggravation of the difficulty is a matter of little comparative moment. Difficulties heaped upon difficulties can never raise the level of the promise of God...Unbelief looks at the difficulty. Faith regards the promise...It is faith that enlives our work with perpetual cheerfulness. It committs every part of it to God, in hope, that even mistakes shall be overruled for his glory; and thus relieves us from an oppressive anxiety, often attendant upon a deep sense of our responsibility. The shortest way to peace will be found in casting ourselves upon God for daily pardon of deficiencies and supplies of grace, without too eagerly for present fruit.' - Charles Bridges

smiles

i love my...

blankie! Carson loves his blankie. he loves to sleep with it, read with it, snuggle with it, walk around with it...blankie makes everything better!

To boast in our weakness...

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn the past six months. Well, I should say not doing the past six months and only in this past week trying to understand. In this season I have seen my weakness more than ever…my physical strength (or lack there of), my inability to do things around the house and how I care for my family. It has been easy for me to say to the Lord, ‘yes, I am weak, it is your strength I need.’ But what I have not been able to do, due to my proud heart is saying (to God, myself and others), ‘I can’t do it, I need help, can you clean my bathroom, can you help me, I CAN’T do it.’ I have come to see how many blessings and how much grace I have withheld from the Lord bestowing upon me due to my pride. I am in need of help and I can rejoice in others serving me (not grudge at the fact that I should be able to do it myself). Oh how tenderly the Lord loves and cares for each of us. How kind He is to reveal our sin, only to help us to grow, to draw us closer to Himself.

In Besides Still Waters, CH Spurgeon says that we receive our sweetest comforts in the time of trouble. That sometimes it is well for us to feel pain and weakness that we may have more gentle leading from the tender Shepherd (p.105). Please pray that I will see that is well for me to see my pain and weakness right now. That I would humbly submit to the Father’s gentle leading.

and his name is...

CHASE MILLER SMITH

We finally have decided on a name for our little boy. As I was looking through baby name books, the name Chase continued to stick out to me. Its spiritual connotation is 'pursuer of truth.' Both Jon and I feel like this little boy has taught us so much about just that...pursuing the truth amidst a very difficult time. We also have both learned so much about what it means to be pursued by the Lord during the past six months. As you pray for our little one...you can now lift him up with a name...a wonderful precious name...Chase!!!!